How to know if your love life is in a rut (and how to fix it!)
So you’re sitting down at your favorite coffee spot wondering why you just don’t seem to meet quality single men anymore.
You are struggling to think of good reasons why your attempts at finding love are not working… but really all you know is that you are sooo tired of looking and even more tired of going on dates with Mr. Wrong. Finding love after age 35 is much harder than you thought it’d be and you feel like you are at the end of a bad musical chair game that you are not winning.
You feel... stuck in a rut.
Now, before you start to worry, it’s completely normal to find yourself in a rut. A rut is simply a habit or pattern of behavior that has become dull. And did you know that 80 percent of Americans see themselves as “creatures of habit”? That’s right. But while not all habits lead to feeling dull and uninterested, sometimes our patterns and routines just get old and tired—and when they do, it definitely does not enrich our love lives.
So let’s dig a little deeper to figure out what’s going on, and what you can do about it!
Research reveals that we hold on tight to our routines. One study looked at working adults and asked them about their life routines.
Are you curious to hear what they found? The results are surprising, but very telling about how most people live their lives. Take a look:
- 67 percent said they felt their daily life rarely strays from the routine. Some of them mentioned having had certain routines for over 10 years!
- 1 in 5 said they hadn’t shaken up their schedule for well over 10 years.
- 8 percent said they have had the same routine for around 2 decades.
- Half of them eat and watch TV at the same time and place every day—and 90 percent never get tired of watching TV shows they’ve seen multiple times before.
Kinda scary, huh? The thought that our lives might just be the same story lived out on different days. Even though you may like the classic flick “Groundhog Day” -- do you really want to repeat your days?
Here’s the good news. 77 percent of the respondents were looking for ways to add more adventure to their day-to-day lives.
And that’s exactly where you need to be right now! Sometimes all it takes is a little adventure—a touch of new, different flavoring—to spice up your life!
Quality men are out there! Your love story is out there. It’s just waiting for you to get up from your favorite coffee shop, shake up your routine and break free from the rut you’re in.
Not sure you’re in a rut yet? Answer these questions with either a Yes or No.
1. Do you get your coffee at the same place regularly?
2. Do you eat lunch at a handful of the same places every day—or even worse—at home or at your desk?
3. Do you have one hobby or sport that you do almost all the time?
4. Have you had the same or similar types of friends over the years, even if the names and faces have changed?
5. When someone asks you “How are you?” or “What’s new?” do you usually give the same response, “Meh” more or less?
If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, you are definitely in a rut! And it’s time to get unstuck and expand your circles by actively breaking your routines and habits.
And it’s not as hard as it seems. It’s all about taking small steps towards making seemingly simple changes in your daily routines… trying a new restaurant here, getting to work through a different route there, or maybe even joining a group for an activity you never thought you’d do.
Once you start, those little changes in habits and routines will start a chain reaction, leading you to change other habits as you experience the rush and satisfaction of trying new things.
So, the question now is: what do you do to break out of your rut?
1. You can’t change what you aren’t aware of. The very first step is to analyze your routine to see where you go and when, what you do, and with who - in a typical week.
2. Make changes to key parts of your routine - where you go for coffee, lunch, what exercise you do, etc.
3. Set a goal of doing one to three different things every day.
4. Have a good conversation starter or two ready to go. This could be about anything that is positive, interesting, or current. Even better, if it is a funny story. Remember, interesting conversation attracts interesting people.
5. Create a legitimate excuse to initiate a conversation if there is a man you find attractive from afar. Go up to him, smile, and say “I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m (insert name)” and depending on the context ask him a question such as “I’m tempted to get the mint latte today to break out of my usual AM brew. Have you ever had it?”
As you work to get yourself out this rut – before you know it – you’ll suddenly see how many amazing, quality men are all around you, and your love story will find you much sooner than you think!
Now, go into our community to share the one thing you are going to do differently tomorrow!