How to have a conversation with any man

Get you small talk mojo on!

Did you know the average person touches their phone 2,617 times per day and an average of 145 minutes on their phone?  

Look up! You won’t meet great people looking down at your phone. If you are interested in meeting high caliber single men, you must be able to engage in conversations.

Let’s compare these two impressions -- same person with a completely different presence.

Plus, it has healthy side effects for you. Studies show that engaging in small talk will make you feel good. Research from a 2014 study from the Personality and Social Bulletin showed that those people who had interactions with weak ties (i.e. acquaintances, new people) reported a greater sense of happiness.

Chances are you haven’t had to brush-up your conversation skills in years and your conversation skills have been treading water. You are busier than ever, more work meetings are virtual and you aren’t spending a lot of time socializing at cocktail parties.

Now that you are convinced, how do you get your conversation mojo back?

Here are our top tips to improve your small talk with high-caliber men:

Strategy #1: Ask interesting questions.

“To be interesting, be interested” - Dale Carnegie

To get interesting answers, you need interesting questions. Avoid the banal banter of “What’s new?” by asking something interesting such as “Did you hear about how that man in Sausalito who saved a dog while he was kite sailing?”  

If you are asked “What’s new?”, turn it into something interesting. Have one thing you can share that provides a connection. Such as “I’ve been enjoying getting out to some fun movies recently. I absolutely loved the movie “The Big Sick”. Have you seen any good ones recently?” Be ready to pivot -- if they haven’t seen a movie in years -- pivot to favorite shows.

Strategy #2: Seek a common ground

We like people who are like us. Top sales people know this, and practice finding something in common.

If you can find something in common, it builds a bit of a bond. You are no longer just two strangers - you have a common connection. Plus, it makes the conversation so much more interesting.

One way to do this quickly at an event is to ask how they know the host “How do you know Mark?” Right away, you have something in common - knowing Mark - and can get personal pretty quickly. Plus, there may even be a fun story to share about their relationship with Mark. Or if you are at an annual industry event, you can ask “Is this the first time you’ve attended this event? What speakers have you liked the most?” -- much more engaging than asking them the yawn-worthy “What do you do?”

Strategy #3: Go deep

Instead of fluttering from topic to topic when you meet someone new, go deep on an area where you have some traction. This could be a sport team they follow, a workout they love, their recent travel plans, or even where they grew up or went to school. You’ll make a better connection and impression by going deep.

Strategy #4: Gotta be real

Some of the best things to connect on are about what is really happening right NOW. You can chat about are the little annoyances, or funny things that are happening real-time. People love to be around others that make them laugh. It could be waiting on a long line, and breaking the ice with a funny remark. If you just tripped coming up the stairs or got a piece of the dreaded toilet paper stuck on your shoe, tell the story. Don’t worry about looking good -- being real always wins!

Strategy #5: Learn something new

Everyone has something they can teach you. Everyone has at least one great story from their past experiences. It could be about where they grew up, something they are an expert in, a hobby they love, or their take on the current events. You don’t have to agree, yet you will learn a new perspective. Engage, listen, and learn.  

Now, tell us what you think. Are you conscious of your small talk strategy? We'd love to hear what works for you!